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taarof

n. the intricate (l/en: Persian) system of (l/en: etiquette) and (l/en: good manners), emphasising extreme (l/en: deference), (l/en: humility), and (l/en: respect)

Wikipedia
Taarof

T'aarof, ta'arof, or tarof is a Persian form of civility emphasizing both deference and social rank, similar to the Chinese art of etiquette, limao. The term encompasses a range of social behaviors; one example of taarof could be described as posing false invitations and promising future services or deeds to primarily strangers or distant relatives and expecting them not to take the offer and keep declining it. However, the closer two people get in a relationship, the less taarof appears in their behavior towards one another.

The prevalence of taarof often gives rise to different styles of negotiation to those one would see in a non-Iranian culture. For example, a worker negotiating a salary might begin with a eulogy of the employer, followed by a lengthy bargaining session consisting entirely of indirect, polite language – both parties are expected to understand the implied topic of discussion. It is quite common for an Iranian worker (even one employed in an Iranian neighborhood within Europe) to work unpaid for a week or two before the issue of wages is finally broached. Likewise, a shopkeeper may initially refuse to quote a price for an item, suggesting that it is worthless ("ghaabel nadaareh"). T'aarof obliges the customer to insist on paying, possibly several times (three times), before a shopkeeper finally quotes a price and real negotiation can begin.

Taarof also governs the rules of hospitality: a host is obliged to offer anything a guest might want, and a guest is equally obliged to refuse it. This ritual may repeat itself several times (three times) before the host and guest finally determine whether the host's offer and the guest's refusal are real or simply polite. It is possible to ask someone not to t'aarof ("t'aarof nakonid"), but that raises new difficulties, since the request itself might be a devious type of taarof.

At times, taarof can lead to one performing a task that one does not want to perform. For instance, if one friend offers a ride to another friend only because they are being polite, they may become stuck in the situation if the friend agrees to get the ride. Of course if one was going by the rules of taarof, one would refuse the offer many times before accepting.

It is a way of denying one's will to please your counterpart, although sometimes the will is only denied because of the custom and not just to please the counterpart. But there are situations where taarof persist upon a request to make the counterpart genuinely satisfied. Taarof may cause misunderstandings between both parties and can be a source for awkward situations in a social setting.